Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
