just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
