I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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