there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
