NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
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and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
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The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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