Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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