what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
