LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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