im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
