He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
