i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
