Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You need Xanax blowdarts
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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