We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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