Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
