Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
