There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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