O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize