It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
