I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
