Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
