I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
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But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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