toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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