you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
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Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
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Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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