Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
