I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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