uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
