he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
