I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
