Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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