the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize