Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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