Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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