We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
