party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
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