Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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