worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
