It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
whose ass print is on the piano?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
