i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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