Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Every concussion has its silver lining
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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