Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
