I think I died a long time ago.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
