Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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