SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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