I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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