so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
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He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
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I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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