I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
