I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Only a mothe r could love this liver
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
