He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
