Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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