I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
