he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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