I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
