Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
