It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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