Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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