Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
birth control should be required to get into college
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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