i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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