If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
