Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
