Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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