I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
