So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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