I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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