At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
even my farts smell like vagina
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
