so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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