im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
