My liver just broke up with me...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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