I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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