dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
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If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
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Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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