I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
