I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
